Matthew Willner, LCSW
Matthew Willner, LCSW
Relationship Therapy
When the Distance Between You Feels Unbridgeable
Relationship therapy is a dedicated space to navigate the complex dynamics of partnership. Whether you’re facing a specific crisis or simply feeling a persistent drift, we work together to rebuild intimacy, resolve long-standing conflicts, and rediscover the connection that brought you together through compassion and curiosity.
How I Work With Couples
My approach draws on Internal Family Systems (IFS), psychodynamic theory, and relational therapy. In practice, this means I'm interested in what each partner brings into the room from their own history — not to assign blame, but because the patterns we develop in relationships rarely start with the relationship we're currently in. I work to help both partners get curious about their own reactions rather than staying focused on what the other person is doing wrong. When you can understand what a part of you may be protecting within yourself, it becomes possible to respond compassionately rather than react defensively.
I take an engaged stance—aiming to be a steady presence as we navigate difficult terrain together.
Communication and conflict
Learning to have hard conversations without them becoming explosive, and understanding what's actually being asked for underneath the surface.
Couples come to me for a wide range of reasons. Some are navigating a specific rupture — infidelity, a major life transition, unhealthy behaviors, or a conflict that won't resolve. Others are struggling with patterns that have been present for years: cycles of withdrawal and pursuit, difficulty with conflict, intimacy that has faded without either partner quite knowing when or why.
What We Can Work On Together
Life transitions
Major life shifts like parenthood, job changes, loss, illness, and other transitions can put pressure on even strong relationships. Navigating them together brings new challenges, but can also cultivate deeper intimacy.
Trust and repair
Working through betrayal, broken agreements, harmful behaviors, or accumulated disconnection. Repair is possible, but it requires investment and openness to accountability.
Identity and growth
Sometimes people change in ways that shift things and may create distance. Therapy can help partners understand and celebrate each other's evolution rather than feeling threatened by it.
Intimacy and closeness
Emotional and physical intimacy are related, and both can erode without deliberate attention. Relationship therapy can help you understand what's gotten in the way and how to find your way back.
Alternative Relationship Structures
I work with clients across the spectrum of non-traditional relationship structures, including nonmonogamy, polyamory, and kink. I offer a knowledgeable and affirming space that celebrates all identities and relationship configurations.
Sessions are 55 minutes long and my fee for relationship therapy is $275 per session. I practice virtually, allowing for flexibility and comfort in your own environment. I work with individuals and couples virtually across New York, New Jersey (pending), and Colorado. To ensure we are a good match for your journey, I provide a free 15-minute initial consultation.
Session Structure
FAQ about Relationship Therapy
When is the right time to start couples therapy?
There's no wrong time to start. Some couples come to therapy after a betrayal or when separation feels close, and that's a completely valid place to begin. That said, therapy can also be valuable much earlier, at the first signs of persistent disconnection: recurring arguments that don't resolve, a gradual fading of intimacy, or a sense of living alongside each other rather than together. Wherever you are, the right time is when you're both ready to show up.
Do you work with individuals on relationship issues, not just couples?
Yes. Many of my individual therapy clients are working through relationship patterns — recurring conflict styles, difficulty with intimacy, or processing the end of a relationship. You don't need a partner in the room to do meaningful relationship work.
Does relationship therapy work for non-monogamous couples and polyamorous relationships?
Yes. I work with clients across the full spectrum of relationship structures — open relationships, polyamory, and kink dynamics, as well as monogamous and traditional relationships. I don't treat non-traditional structures as the problem to be solved. The same relational challenges can show up in all relationships.
How can IFS apply to couples work?
In relationship therapy, conflict is rarely just about what's happening between two people — it's about what gets activated inside each person when they're with the other. IFS slows that activation down, helping each partner get curious about their own reactions rather than staying focused on what the other person is doing "wrong." That shift — from defensiveness to curiosity — is where real repair becomes possible. Learn more about my IFS offerings HERE.
What states do you see clients in?
I work with individuals and couples virtually in New York, New Jersey (license pending), and Colorado.