Blog

Most men who come to me worried about their porn use have already diagnosed themselves. They walk in certain they are addicts, and often a part of them finds relief in that. If porn is the problem, then porn is the enemy, and the fight is out there somewhere. My new piece in GQ is about why that framing often makes things worse. The addiction story is everywhere right now. Podcasters track their day counts. There are apps that screenshot a man's browsing and send it to a part

I recently wrote a piece for The Guardian about a pattern I see constantly in my practice. Men who built the life they were told to want, and feel hollow standing inside it. If you haven't read it, the short version is this: what shows up as anger, numbness, or restlessness is often grief. Grief for a future that was supposed to deliver meaning and didn't. I want to go a layer deeper here, because the hardest part for most clients isn't naming the grief, it's how you turn tow

He is up before the alarm. He closes the deals, clears the inbox, shows up to the dinner, laughs at the right moments. From the outside, nothing looks wrong. Inside, something has gone quiet. This is what depression looks like in men who keep functioning. No breakdown. No missed work. Just a slow flattening everyone learns to read as normal.

Shame rarely shows up directly. It hides behind a joke, a change of subject, the urge to leave the room. Internal Family Systems takes a different route. It treats shame as a burden a young part of you is carrying, and it works with the protective parts that keep it buried before going near the shame itself. Here is how therapy for shame actually changes things, and why willpower alone tends to fail.

Going to therapy for the first time is a big deal. For many men, it has taken a while to get there. But once you have made the appointment, the next question is: what do you actually do with it? Here are five things worth thinking about before you walk in.

The IFS Institute describes Internal Family Systems as a model that views every person as a system of inner parts guided by a core Self. That definition is accurate. It is also, if you've never encountered IFS before, a bit unclear. Here is what it actually means, and why it might matter to you. You already know what this feels like Think about the last time you wanted two different things at once. Maybe you wanted to speak up in a meeting, and something in you also wanted to

I recently wrote a piece for Men's Health about a pattern I see often in my practice. Men who are highly invested in self-improvement, and quietly avoiding parts of themselves at the same time. If you haven't read it, the short version is this: optimization can function as a defense. A way to stay productive and visible to others while never sitting with what's underneath. I want to go a layer deeper here, because the clinical picture of when self-improvement becomes avoidanc

Gay men face specific mental health challenges that go beyond what most therapists are trained to address. Here is what genuinely affirming, skilled care looks like and why it makes a difference.

Deciding to open a relationship is rarely a simple decision, and it should not be. It raises real questions about what you want, what you fear, how you communicate, and how well you actually know yourself and your partner. The resources below do not all agree with each other, and that is useful. Read widely before deciding anything.

There is no single right way to respond when infidelity comes to light. Some people stay. Some leave. Some need months before they know what they want. All of those are legitimate. What matters most in the early period is not making the right decision. It is making sure you have enough ground under your feet to make any decision at all. What follows is not a roadmap for navigating relationships after infidelity. It is a set of considerations that tend to matter, regardless of